


A Secret War

by mybabystriders



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Late night thoughts, M/M, Pining, Self-Pity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-05-16 09:43:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14808902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mybabystriders/pseuds/mybabystriders
Summary: Baz couldn't help but let his mind wander over his heart's issues that night at Watford. Simon Snow was a big issue for him, torn between love and hatred. Perhaps his biggest issue stemmed from that day in the nursery. Still, he did try to avoid thinking about it.





	A Secret War

Unrequited love - that was the biggest issue Baz’s heart struggled to cope with each day here at school. His friends thought it was his immense distaste for Simon Snow, but they had fallen simply for what Baz had acted in front of everyone, family and foe alike. It was an act he never let up. There was a fire that burned between him and Simon that could not go unnoticed by even strangers, one that fueled Baz’s irritation, but it was not simply pure hatred. Simon Snow was undoubtedly annoying, childish, and oblivious but he was also beautiful. 

The problem was Baz’s situation. He was Simon’s roommate at school - placed in the top of the tower with the largest suite all by themselves. Baz’s family were known to be on the darker side of anything related at all to magic. Simon, on the other hand, was some golden child and, therefore the mascot for the “good” side. Baz had, despite these things and by some lapse of self-control, fallen head over heels with him. Meanwhile, Simon. . . hated Baz with such passion that they both had almost killed each other on many occasions. Another problem faced Baz in his current state. He was supposed to kill Simon.

He tried to avoid thinking about his job, about his  _ fate _ . The time had yet to come here he would be able to kill Simon for he couldn’t cause any physical harm directly to Simon until they both left their school - Watford. The magic that had selected them to be roommates also bound them together and would not allow them to cause harm to one another. Of course, Baz had set the Chimera on Simon once not long ago, a Chimera being a large, fire-breathing monster with a lion’s head, goat’s body, and a serpent’s tail. It was a terrible idea and it had nearly killed them both, not that Baz minded the idea of his own death. His mortality, or lack thereof, was something that seemed charming to him in a strange way.

This was another problem that plagued him, a problem that not even his parents knew about. There was one thing his dad knew - Baz was not only a wizard but a vampire. That was not a good thing to be in the world they lived in. Yet, it was not like he had much of a choice when vampires attacked the nursery room at Watford while his mother was still in charge and while he was very young. One had bitten him before she could stop them, while he was a toddler, and his mother had set the entire nursery ablaze in defense. She had also died that day, and nobody but he himself survived. That was all his dad knew, and the fact that he was a monster was a family secret. His own secret was that he, gifted like his mother with fire, used fire magic more often than any form because it also posed a risk to himself. As rumored even among non-magic pop-culture, fire magic was strong and powerful and vampires are, in fact, extremely flammable. He knew his mother hated vampires more than any creature that posed a threat to wizards. Therefore, if she knew what he was, he was certain she would have wanted him to die in the same fire that had claimed the rest that day.

He sighed, shaking his head. He hadn’t meant to spiral into his own self-loathing while thinking about Simon who was asleep in the bed across the room. He glanced over at him, trying not to stare, though the moonlight streaming through the window illuminated his sleeping face. It was almost a mystical sight, the way it turned his skin softer and paler as his expression was gentle and not fixing Baz with a glare.

Rather than continue staring, Baz stood and slipped into their bathroom. Usually, he would slip out and go to the tombs, where his mother was buried and wallow in his own self-pity, but not tonight. He felt that he might act reckless tonight and he had work to do before he could do away with himself by some “freak accident” of sorts. He had a little sister to think of if nothing else.  So, he took to brushing his teeth for a second time that night to distract himself.

“Simon Snow,” he muttered to himself after he had rinsed his spit down the drain. 

Baz did not know what was in store for them at that time. If he had, perhaps he would have felt relief or excitement in some form. It would have, undoubtedly, kept him awake even longer that night. Since he did not, he once more climbed into bed and, at last, gave himself over to a night of fitful sleep. He remained unaware that Simon was also tossing and turning in the bed not far away that night with his own haunting thoughts. Though they were on opposite sides of the feud growing ever more severe, they were similar in more ways than they could have realized.


End file.
